I think I might start a diary or journal thing or whatever on here instead of actually writing it out, I mean I spend enough time on here anyways I might as well do something productive… kinda. Now that I’ve actually started writing I have no idea what to write about. Usually I just force it out of me but this time I want it to be natural, like my actual thoughts. One day I wanna publish all my diaries, I mean I always love reading books that are in diary or journal form, I feel like it’s real. I really hope when I grow up I’m gonna be successful, or at least somewhat rich, I just can’t picture myself living anything below what I’m living now. Is that a bad thing? Does that make me spoiled? I really hope not, i don’t want to say that I’m spoiled but I kind of am. I mean I’m basically forcing my parents to spend $4000 on me for Argentina, I mean that’s a lot. They can’t even give me the starting $500 let alone $1000. In this journal I don’t want to talk about school or anything like I just hate talking about it in writing. It makes me angry. I have no idea why though. I like writing like this its free. I’m pretty sure this is called something. i don’t know. I want to make a blog. I’m way too lazy. I really need to do something with my life. Like really bad. Stop worrying about other people and boys. Like shit that’s all I think about. I can’t help it, it just crosses my mind and I can’t get it out. I always say I need to live in the moment and think about me but I mean 1. thats fucking hard and 2. that’s a bit selfish. I always think about other people and forget about myself or only think about myself and make myself seem like a total bitch. I honestly have no idea what the hell i’m talking about, I’m just rambling. I suppose if I want this to sell I should talk about boys and my daily struggles and drama and shit. But like honestly, I’m on the verge of having no friends and I don’t like drama soo… sorry. I just like to observe from the distance, you know, I like to stare at people I like without them notching. Is that weird? It probably is. Whatever. I still really like E.R. and P.J.M, P.J. has given me rides home before but it’s really awkward to like him since I’m practically best friends with his sister. I don’t know why I find him so attractive, maybe because I know I shouldn’t like him. I wonder who’s he going to ask to prom this year. Please be me. I highly doubt it. Jay mother fucking Alvarrez. Oh my god. I love him so much it literally hurts. Like every time he posts something on Insta or Tumblr I get so fricken angry like ugh. I l want to meet him. Like I would fuck the shit out of him. Holy crap. I want to live his life. I wish i was from Hawaii. Everyone who lives in Hawaii has no reason to leave they already live in fucking paradise. UGH. I can’t wait until I go to Argentina, hopefully cute guys are there. Hopefully my skin clears up by then. Hopefully I have abs by then. Hopefully. Hopefully. Hopefully. Holy hell how awesome would that be if Jay was in Argentina. Hell fucking yes. I want to take so many pictures and videos when I’m there. I want to make like a short film. I have it all pictured in my head. Hopefully I don’t chicken out because I’m scared other people will judge me. Hopefully cute Hall boys go… gotta make those connections. Wow I’ve almost written a page, if I was writing an essay this would’ve taken me like 2 hours. L.B. is still so fricken cute and now Adrianna is starting to catch on and I don’t want her to. She legit ruins everything good for me. 8th grade man throw back. I can’t believe we’ve been friends for this long, I honestly can’t picture my life without her though and that’s pretty depressing. Like what am I gonna do when we graduate thats gonna be so fricken sad holy crap. Just thinking about it makes me cry. Life lesson don’t make friends is high school because eventually you’re going to have to say goodbye and make new friends somewhere else. I can’t wait until i go to college. I’m gonna be fucking crazy, i hope I go to a school that throws good parties. I still don’t know whether I want to join a sorority though, they seem like cults or some shit. But then again they seem really fun so I don’t know. I should probably go to bed now it’s 9:56 and my eyes are slowly shutting.
-Taylor
9:56 PM
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